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Something Wonderful

A Stray is quiet, beautiful, and like nothing you’ve seen before

A Stray movie image

When I first read about A Stray in 2016, I was intrigued. But as so often happens, I didn’t get around to seeing it while it was in theaters. Thankfully, it is now available on both Amazon and YouTube. I finally watched it a few weeks ago and was glad I did. The film has a 100% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes for a good reason: it is a beautiful drama that is unlike any film you’ve seen before.

Adan is a young Somali immigrant living in Minneapolis. When we first meet him, he upsets the other men he is living with and ends up homeless. He tries to be a good Muslim, but he has a hard time doing the right thing. Just when it appears that things are looking up for him, he hits a dog with his car. Urged by a passerby to take her to the vet, he suddenly finds himself looking after an animal that is viewed as ritually impure by many Muslims.

Adan has an ambivalent relationship with the dog, whom he names Laila. On the one hand, he clearly cares for her; on the other hand, he does everything he can to avoid touching her and keeps trying, at least half-heartedly, to find a new home for her.

The film wanders with Adan as he travels through Minneapolis and St. Paul, trying to find money and spots where he can catch a little sleep. I was frequently surprised by Adan’s choices. He is astray, trying to find his way. The end of the movie itself is ambiguous. Adan is poised to take a certain act, but will he do it? That’s left to our imaginations. If you’re like me, you’ll find yourself pondering what you think he’ll do and whether or not that’s the right choice.

I’m not always a passive consumer of entertainment: I will laugh out loud as I read passages in books or cringe when I can tell something bad is about to happen in a film. This movie had me deeply engaged, as I gave Adan advice and laughed at his interactions with Laila.

This film is short, under 90 minutes long. The script and cinematography are exquisite (take a look at the trailer below to get a taste). Adan is played by Barkhad Abdirahman, who you may have seen in Captain Phillips or the TV series Fargo. I hope to see more of him.

Notes: There have been a lot of films about dogs with the word “stray” in them recently, including The Stray (2017) and Stray (2020). Maybe if you accidentally watch one of those, you’ll stray across something good (sorry, couldn’t resist), but if you want to watch this one, you’re looking for A Stray (2016).

Also, while the film is not rated by the MPAA, I don’t think of it as a family film. You’d have to read subtitles to a young child whenever someone was speaking in Somali, and you’d have to explain a lot as you went along. I’d recommend it for ages 11 and up, though of course, every child is different.

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Make a Difference

Do you feel like you have nothing left to give?

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Even before the pandemic, terms like “compassion fatigue” and “caregiver burnout” were used to describe caregivers who had reached a point of exhaustion. These people were physically, mentally, and/or emotionally depleted and had nothing left to give.

It may be that virtually all of us are at that point a year into the pandemic. In December, a tweet circulated describing this moment in time as a situation in which “everyone needs more than anyone can give right now.” In the past few weeks, several articles have been written about “hitting the pandemic wall.” We all need love and care at the very time when many of us are reaching the point of pandemic exhaustion.

What do you do if you believe that you are called to a life of loving others and making a difference, but all you want to do is crawl into bed and stay there until the pandemic is over?

Here’s how you can keep caring for others, even when you feel like you have nothing left to give

Take care of yourself.

I’ve written about this before. Self-care helps provide us with the fuel we need to care for others. Right now, it’s more important than ever to make self-care a priority. Some of that self-care comes from tasks that we may not feel like doing right now, like exercising. Those things really do help, but it’s important we not beat ourselves up over our failures. You can make yourself go to bed, but you can’t make yourself sleep. We need to be gentle with ourselves and focus on what we can manage. During a recent check-up, I was told that my triglycerides are too high. It’s easier for me to try to eat more salads than fewer sweets right now, so that’s how I’m handling it.

Don’t try to do everything.

Remember: “Everyone needs more than anyone can give right now.” Our friends and family may be sad, or angry, or both. We can listen to them and love them and encourage them to get professional help if possible, but we can’t fix them. That’s always true — whether or not there’s a pandemic — but for those of us who try to fix things for folks, there’s no better time than now to learn that we don’t have that kind of power.

Set small goals.

While we may not have the energy to give as much as we used to, we can still make a difference by setting small, achievable goals. Little acts matter. I’ve been touched by simple things like a card in the mail or a walk with a friend. If we all set a goal to do one small act of compassion every day — or just a few each week — we can make the world a better place, even during a pandemic.

If you have daily caregiving responsibilities, don’t feel like you have to add more on top of that. You already may be doing all that you can manage (or you may feel in over your head!).

Walk away.

I confess that I’m easily annoyed by people who ignore mask laws and store rules about wearing masks. I’m of two minds about this. Part of me thinks that if we just look the other way when people endanger others by refusing to wear a mask, we’re encouraging them to continue to do so. But I also know that emotions are running high right now. The better approach is probably to walk away. That can apply to all sorts of situations beyond frustrations with anti-maskers.

There are times when we shouldn’t walk away. If we witness someone being harassed because of their race, ignoring the situation supports the harassment. But often choosing not to confront someone is excellent self-care and a compassionate response to the person who is irritating you… not to mention the people around you.

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Something Wonderful

I’m Not the Only One Who Loves Sci-fi Romances

Month after month, Google tells me that my most popular blog post is “Something Wonderful: Slow-burn Sci-fi/Fantasy Romances.” Clearly, I’m not the only person who enjoys that kind of book.

So when I fell in love with the Sirantha Jax series by Ann Aguirre, half of the team behind Bronze Gods and Silver Mirrors, I knew I had to write about it for people who, like me, enjoy sci-fi with a little romance mixed in.

It starts with Grimspace.

I have an odd relationship with Grimspace. It was on my “to read” list for a long time. I’d heard it was a good sci-fi romance, so I wanted to read it, but… too many books, too little time.

I don’t always remember books and movies unless I must (or if I revisit them). Once I got a copy of Flightplan from the library, thinking about how I’d been wanting to watch it. As the story unfolded, I realized that I had already seen it. It wasn’t very good, but I couldn’t remember the ending, so I finished it anyway.

I experienced that kind of forgetfulness with Grimspace. When I read it last year, it felt oddly familiar. At first I thought I’d read a sample chapter online. But the sense of déjà vu stayed with me through the entire book. I’d read it before and then somehow forgotten that.

So when I finished the book for the second time, I initially told myself that, even though I’d enjoyed it, it was clearly a forgettable book. I decided that I didn’t need to bother with the rest of the series.

But the characters wouldn’t let me go.

This time the book was anything but forgettable. I wanted to know what was next for Sirantha Jax and her companions. I wanted to stay with them a little longer. So I picked up the next book, Wanderlust, and from then on I gobbled the rest of the series up. (Warning: Grimspace stands alone, but books two through five end in cliffhangers.) When I reached the end of the sixth and final book, Endgame, I had a serious case of post-series depression.

One of the things that makes the characters so marvelous is that they grow and change throughout the series. Jax becomes more selfless and much less shallow. She moves from someone who sees herself solely as a star “jumper” — someone with the ability to help a ship navigate through “grimspace” — to someone who wrestles with moral issues and works to acquire more skills so that she can better contribute to her team and the world.

The physical changes she undergoes are even more significant. By the end of the series, she is quite literally no longer the person she was at the beginning. She undergoes several physical enhancements to help her with her various missions. These enhancements could have taken the series over the top if Aguirre hadn’t handled them well. But because Jax has to wrestle with questions about what she discloses to people and with the downsides to her enhancements, it’s easier to take those changes. And really, they’re more realistic than we like to believe. People are already modifying their bodies through things like cosmetic surgery, performance-enhancing drugs, and medical interventions, such as increasingly advanced pacemakers and stents. The changes that happen to Jax are a fairly realistic projection of what we might do in the future.

March, the primary love interest, is also complex. He has a strong sense of duty, which Jax both admires and hates. He is able to read minds, but that ability went uncontrolled for a long time, resulting in some emotional scars. His experiences as a mercenary also haunt him. Throughout the series, Jax and March are both drawn to and hurt by each other as a result of their experiences.

But the series is about far more than the relationship between March and Jax. Aguirre brings in a host of believable characters, including Saul, a kind scientist who is too focused on his research; Dina, a prickly mechanic; Loras, who seethes with anger over the fact that his people have been forced into submissive dependence on humans; Velith Il-Nok, an insect-like alien who is an outcast among his people; and Jael, a genetically engineered human who is understandably cautious about sharing that fact with others.

Then there’s the world-building

Aguirre doesn’t just create realistic characters, she does a great job with world-building. Over the course of the series, Jax travels to several different planets, encountering cultures that are truly alien. Loras, who is La’hengrin, is humanoid, but many of the aliens are far from human. There are long-lived Ithtorians like Velith Il-Nok, who express complex thoughts through an intricate bow called a wa. There are the frog-like Mareq, classed as primitive by humans. And there are the Morgut, spider-like creatures with sophisticated technology, who see humans in much the same way that we see cattle.

But what about the romance?

“Was I screaming?”

I don’t remember. My throat isn’t sore, although the rest of me is.

“No,” Doc says from the doorway. “At least not so the rest of us could hear.” I register March’s surprise, but Saul continues, regarding us with an inscrutable expression. “He came from the cockpit at a dead run, yanked you out of your seat. What happened, Jax?”

“Psychotic break.” I feel like I’m signing away my personal liberty by admitting as much, like maybe the Corp had a point in keeping me confined.

But Doc just nods, looking thoughtful. “Let’s get you to medical.”

It’s only then I realize that I’m still sitting on March’s lap, and his arms fall away from me with the slow, swimming reluctance of a mudsider learning to move in zero G. And I say quietly in the confines of my own head: Thank you. Not expecting to be heard. To my surprise, as I fold to my feet to follow Saul, I receive a very soft response that maybe I am not meant to hear.

I will always come for you, Jax.

Grimspace – by Ann Aguirre

While romance plays a key role in the series, it is not primary to these books. This is Sirantha Jax’s story. That story includes her relationships, but it is also very much about her adventures and development as a person. The Sirantha Jax series is solid sci-fi filled with adventure, political intrigue, and war.

That said, the romance is also an important part of every book in the series. Grimspace could definitely qualify as a slow-burn romance, but Aguirre manages to maintain a sense of romantic tension throughout the series, including slowly developing a relationship between Jax and another character that presents additional challenges to her relationship with March. Aguirre had me on a rollercoaster; there were times when she broke my heart and times when my spirits were soaring along with Jax. If you love both science fiction and romance, this series should satisfy you.

I should note, because I know that it may matter to some readers, that there are explicit sexual encounters in the series. These scenes aren’t frequent.

I’ll be reading more of Aguirre’s work.

I’d already started paying attention to Ann Aguirre after reading Bronze Gods and Silver Mirrors. Now that I’m a fan of her Sirantha Jax series, I’m certain that I’ll be reading more of her novels. In fact, I recently picked up another book set in the Sirantha Jax universe, Perdition, the first book of the Dred Chronicles. I plan to start it soon. If you decide that you, too, like her work, I recommend signing up for her email list (you can subscribe on her “free book” page). She’s also active on Facebook.

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Make a Difference

4 Things Every Accessible Home Needs

Image via Pexels

By Patrick Young, ableusa.info

Note from Kate Norlander: This is a first for my blog — a guest post. While this is not something I intend to do regularly, Patrick Young pitched me an idea he is well-suited to address: what to look for in an accessible home. I’ve failed to address accessibility so far, so I appreciated his pitch. How does knowing what to look for in an accessible home relate to making a difference? While you may be looking for an accessible home for yourself, you may also need to help someone you know, such as a parent, find a home that meets their needs. Patrick’s advice will help. And if you are in the position to build your dream house or extensively remodel your home, consider adding one or more of these features, even if you don’t need them right now. They will enable you to open your home to more people, and when it is time to sell your home, it may be an attractive option for people who are looking for something accessible.

Remodeling is part of the territory when it comes to living with a disability. Many families pay in the thousands to retrofit a home for accessibility, spending money on projects like stairlifts, wider doorways, and accessible bathrooms. But shoehorning accessibility into an older home may not be the best choice.

In many cases, homeowners can save money and achieve a greater degree of accessibility by purchasing a home designed with inclusion in mind — or one that is more easily amended. To help with the hunt, check out these tips.

Accessibility and Universal Design

Why is buying a new home a smart move? Today’s home builders are factoring open floor plans and universal design into their construction.

Universal design is about building homes that are livable for everyone, whether you’re a young family, an adult with a disability, or a senior aging in place. Universal design aims to eliminate barriers without sacrificing design so homeowners can enjoy a house that’s as beautiful as it is accessible.

Throughout much of the United States, the housing market is competitive, even during the COVID-19 pandemic. That means you need to act fast when a property that suits your needs and lifestyle becomes available, so make sure you know your priorities.

4 Things You’ll Want in Accessible Homes

Consider these accessible features you’ll find in newer homes — and what you’ll pay to add them to your old one.

1. A Step-Free Front Entrance

Stepless entrances are helpful for everyone, not just people with disabilities. Whether you use a wheelchair, are a senior with mobility problems, or a parent pushing a stroller, you’ll appreciate a step-free approach. They also create a clean look, making them a popular trend for modern home exteriors.

What You’ll Pay to Add It:

Retrofitting a zero-step entrance isn’t cheap. Most homeowners don’t care for the look of portable or wooden ramps, but in order to build a rampscape, you’ll need to grade the approach before laying concrete. Minor grading starts around $500 while walkways range from $6 to $10 per square foot for materials, plus labor costs.

2. Hardwood Floors

There’s a reason hardwood is the most popular flooring. Not only is real hardwood beautiful, but it’s also durable, easy to clean, and warm underfoot. That makes it a great fit for families of all types, but especially people with disabilities who need a surface that’s easy to navigate, but not so hard it’s hazardous if they fall.

What You’ll Pay to Add It:

Homeowners save big with a home that already has hardwood flooring. However, installing hardwood can be surprisingly affordable. In addition to opting for a moderately priced wood, homeowners can save money by purchasing materials and prepping the area themselves. This could bring hardwood flooring costs down.

3. Open Floor Plans

Narrow doorways and cramped rooms leave little room for wheelchairs to navigate. They also make life at home more challenging for people with hearing loss who rely on lines of sight to monitor what’s happening at home. Open floor plans eliminate these barriers by providing ample floor space and bringing a home’s living areas together.

What You’ll Pay to Add It:

Changing your home’s floor plan is rarely cost-effective. RemodelingImage.com notes prices start at $8-$15 per square foot to remove non-load-bearing walls, reroute wiring, and fix the flooring. If you need to remove load-bearing walls or move plumbing, the cost spikes dramatically.

4. A Roll-In Shower

Curbless showers are sleek, modern, and luxurious. They’re also great for wheelchair users, seniors, and other people with disabilities. Known as zero-threshold showers, roll-in showers, or wet rooms, these bathroom fixtures offer clean lines and barrier-free access.

What You’ll Pay to Add It:

Since building a curbless shower requires changes to framing, it’s expensive to add these fixtures after the fact. Per the Orange County Register, homeowners should expect to pay $2,500 to $5,000 to replace a bathtub with a curbless shower, but prices vary depending on shower size, layout, and how much framing is needed to accommodate the new shower.

Before you start retrofitting your old house, compare the costs of renovating with what you’d spend moving to a new home. While moving is a hassle, you’ll appreciate having a barrier-free home without the expense and disruption of a major remodel.

Visit Patrick’s blog at ableusa.info. You’ll find posts on home modification resources for a family member with visual impairments, raising a child with special needs, finding funding if you are an entrepreneur with disabilities, and more.

If this is your first time at katenorlander.com, check out some of the other posts about making a difference. I also post about books, movies, and other forms of entertainment under the category “Something Wonderful,” because everybody needs to take a break and recharge!

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Something Wonderful

Find Little Ways to Celebrate All Year Long

Image by Terri Cnudde from Pixabay

Recently I was chatting with someone who had been having a tough week leading up to Christmas. They mentioned how they loved this time of year, which made their bad week all the more painful.

Even during a good year, holidays can be difficult. We may associate a particular holiday with unpleasant memories. We may place too many expectations on others or ourselves. Or we may be sorry when the celebration ends and we have to return to “real life.” (Does that mean the life we were living during the celebration wasn’t real?) The past year has been so upside down that everything is even more fraught with emotion.

If you love Christmas, nothing is going to replace or make up for it. But you might consider finding ways to make your everyday life so special that Christmas (or Halloween or your birthday) is just one of many special moments, rather than the high point of the year, after which everything comes crashing down.

How can we fill our year with special moments?

Celebrate minor holidays

Four years ago I wrote about how we can use minor holidays to make a difference. Consider looking at a list of holidays and picking some that move you. You can celebrate them for their own sake (have a slice of pie on Pi Day), or use them to make a difference (bake a pie and give it away). Either way, putting more holidays on your calendar gives you more to look forward to.

Take Sabbath breaks

I’ve written before about how taking weekly Sabbath breaks can restore us and give us more time to love others. If you’re feeling down because you are going back to your regular schedule after having some time off for the holidays, explore the possibility of taking one day out of every seven to rest. That gives you approximately 52 days off every year!

Arrange for little surprises throughout the year

Ordinary life can sometimes seem dull, especially right now when we are limiting activities outside our homes and using Zoom to socialize. One possible antidote to that is to find ways to surprise yourself. You know the feeling of reaching into a pocket and discovering money you’d forgotten you’d left there? We’re going for that. And while having a housemate arrange these surprises for us can be helpful, you can do this even if you live alone.

Here are some things I’ve done for myself without help from the people who live with me:

  • I’ve left chocolate and notes around the house to discover later. The key is to pick hiding places where you aren’t likely to discover your surprise right away. Just make sure that, if you’re hiding chocolate, these places aren’t so obscure that you won’t find your treats for years. For example, I picked a mug that I use occasionally but not frequently, and I put a chocolate in it. A few weeks after I hid the chocolate, I pulled out the mug and was genuinely surprised to find a mini peanut butter cup in it.
  • I’ve set reminders on my phone, telling myself to do something that I enjoy. For a few months now I’ve been picking a couple of days at random and setting reminders such as “Listen to your favorite song” or “Fix yourself a cup of hot cocoa.” I don’t overthink or make a point of remembering the dates I choose, which means I have a moment of joy when my phone tells me to take a half hour to play Pokémon Go.
  • I’ve put myself on long waiting lists for library books. I’ve done this in the past with no intention of surprising myself; I simply wanted to read a popular book and had to wait for a while. Recently, however, I did this deliberately. I used NPR’s Book Concierge to pick several books that interested me, and then I searched for the books in my library’s catalog. If a book had a lengthy waitlist, I requested it. I’m looking forward to email messages from the library letting me know each time a book is available.

Some people say (and I agree) that “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” is the perfect 2020 Christmas song. In the version that first appeared in Meet Me in St. Louis, it was about enjoying Christmas and hoping for a better future in the midst of a difficult time.

Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow.

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” – Hugh Martin and Ralph Baine

I don’t know anyone who isn’t glad to say goodbye to 2020. The thing is, while I hope 2021 is a better year, we’re still going to have plenty of struggles. Let’s find ways to insert moments of joy in our lives to help us “muddle through” those difficult times.

A note about future blog posts: Regular readers will remember that a few weeks ago I wrote about comforting entertainment for difficult times. In my post, I reflected on a recent time when I had been feeling anxious. At the time I wrote that, I was feeling better. However, my anxiety is escalating again as I deal with a loved one’s bad news and my own concerns over a peaceful transition of presidential power this month. Over the coming weeks it may be all I can do to do my paid work and basic chores. Honoring my commitments, including my commitment to publish a blog post every other week, is important to me, but I may need to let that go for a while. If I can keep to my schedule, I will do so, but if I need to take a mental health break, I might post less often than I have promised.

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Make a Difference

Get the facts on human trafficking

No, Wayfair is not secretly selling children online. Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

Earlier this year the nonprofit organization Polaris, which fights human trafficking, published a blog post about human trafficking rumors. In it they wrote:

Over the past week, the National Human Trafficking Hotline has received hundreds of reports referencing social media posts claiming online retailer Wayfair is part of a complex child sex trafficking scheme. These reports come from concerned citizens who learn of something unspeakable and feel compelled to act. Unfortunately, the Wayfair situation in many ways echoes the Pizzagate conspiracy in 2016, which resulted in violence and barely-averted tragedy. What we learned at that time was that unsubstantiated claims and accusations about child sex trafficking can spin out of control and mislead well-meaning people into doing more harm than good.

– Polaris

The problem?

First, when people call human trafficking hotlines about rumors, that misuses the organizations’ resources. Beyond that, rumors get in the way of the actual truths about human trafficking. Finally, when people believe the rumors they read without verifying facts, they sometimes harm innocent people in their rush to execute what they believe is justice.

Here’s what you need to know about child sex trafficking

  • Sex traffickers rarely kidnap children. Instead, they seek vulnerable children and teens and convince them that they care.
  • The children most likely to be trafficked are in situations that leave them vulnerable to oppression or abuse. They may be runaways, experiencing domestic or sexual abuse at home, living in poverty, or addicted to drugs and alcohol. They are more likely to be LGBTQ+ youth or people of color.
  • Children and youth are most likely to be trafficked by someone they know, such a family member or someone they’re dating.
  • Youth may be approached on social media by someone who claims a romantic interest in them, or they may respond to a job offer that isn’t legitimate.

Source: Polaris – “What We Know About How Child Sex Trafficking Happens,” “Recognizing Human Trafficking: Vulnerabilities and Signs of Recruitment,” and “On-Ramps, Intersections, and Exit Routes: A Roadmap for Systems and Industries to Prevent and Disrupt Human Trafficking”

What can you do?

Wanting to stop human trafficking is a noble impulse. Here are some tips and helpful resources:

  • If someone shares information with you about child sex trafficking, check the facts before you spread the word. Polaris has a page dedicated to popular rumors regarding child sex trafficking.
  • Educate yourself about slavery. Visit the websites of well-established nonprofits that fight human trafficking, such as:
    • Polaris, which has operated the U.S. National Human Trafficking Hotline since 2007;
    • International Justice Mission, which partners with local authorities in 13 countries to combat slavery, violence against women and children, and police abuse of power against people who are poor;
    • Free the Slaves, founded in 2000 to change the conditions that allow modern slavery to exist;
    • Stop the Traffik, a 14-year-old, UK-based organization that uses an intelligence-led approach to prevent human trafficking;
    • Freedom United, a global organization that focuses on awareness, education, and mass action to end slavery; and
    • A21, an organization that works to reach people with information on human trafficking, offers rescue services such as hotlines and legal assistances for survivors, and provides restorative services, such as survivor relocation and aftercare.

You will notice that the focus of these organizations goes beyond child sex trafficking. That is because child sex trafficking is only part of the slavery that exists worldwide; in fact, forced labor accounts for at least 50% of modern slavery. (See note below for more information on this figure.)

  • Donate to nonprofits that fight slavery, such as the ones I mentioned above. It’s not a good idea to take matters into your own hands, as the man who followed through on his concerns about alleged sex-trafficking at Comet Ping Pong learned.
  • There are other actions you can take. For instance, if you take pictures of your hotel room and upload them to the TraffickCam app, these pictures may allow investigators to identify rooms used in advertisements for people who are being trafficked for sex. I encourage you to go directly to the organizations I mention above to look for ways you can work to stop human trafficking. My blog also offers a few ideas (search for “slavery”).

Note: In April 2019, I stated “81% of slaves worldwide are forced to provide labor” — a figure that is significantly different from the one cited above. One reason for this is that it can be hard to get accurate statistics about slavery, since slavery is illegal and therefore tends to be hidden. In addition, I have cited two different sources for these figures. Free the Slaves, which provided the statistic stating that forced labor accounts for 50% of modern slavery, counts forced marriage as a form of slavery, accounting for 37.5% of worldwide cases of slavery. The information I found that states that 81% of slaves are involved in forced labor was from Polaris’ website; I can no longer find that information on their site. Including or not including forced marriage as slavery could affect statistics on the percentage of slaves who are forced to provide labor.

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Something Wonderful

What to read, watch, or do when you’re feeling fragile

Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

A few years ago, I wrote about comforting entertainment for dark times. By this year’s standards, 2017 feels positively sunny. Recently I’ve been revisiting that post, because I’ve found that things that used to bring me comfort don’t necessarily do that now.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling anxious, so much so that I found myself skipping to the ends of chapters in a book I was reading, trying to see how far I’d have to read to get to a chapter that ends on an up note. I never do that. And while I had been thinking that I might want to start watching The Great British Baking Show again, it suddenly seemed too anxiety-provoking.

What do you do when your usual escapes are failing you? Of course, what works for me might not work for you, but here are some ideas that I came up with to carry me through my anxious period.

Keep it short

If a novel is too much right now, consider something shorter. I loved Ted Chiang’s Stories of Your Life and Others; since he published another book in 2019, that could be the perfect read. Poetry works, too.

Likewise, you may not want to start a television series with a long narrative arc. When cliffhangers are too much, stick with movies or shows that tell a complete story in one sitting.

Just remember that “short” does not equal “comforting.” Now may not be the time for Edgar Allan Poe.

Keep it familiar

I’ve always been an advocate for rereading books. Anxious times are perfect for revisiting old favorites. I will never tire of Pride and Prejudice or The Hobbit, even though I know exactly how things will turn out. The same, of course, is true for what I choose to watch. Revisit The Empire Strikes Back for the umpteenth time? Why not?

Keep it light

If it’s difficult to read serious science fiction right now, maybe you can still read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. If you were partway through Daredevil and had to stop, maybe you can get your fill of superheroes without the anxiety by watching one of the many iterations of The Tick.

Comedy is one source of light entertainment, but it’s hardly the only one. Comic books (such as Bandette), cartoons and anime (like My Neighbor Totoro), and seasonal fare (formulaic holiday movies have a huge following) can all offer a trouble-free escape. Just keep in mind that, like most of things I’m suggesting here, you can’t consider any particular category of entertainment as completely safe. Just because Heathers is considered comedy doesn’t mean it’s light-hearted. Check the reviews first.

Find a new comfort activity

If you’re not feeling up to reading or watching things these days, maybe it’s time to embrace new entertainment. During my anxious period, I put a lot of thought into making playlists for my child. I also discovered the joy of WindowSwap, which allows you to view the world through others people’s windows. You can submit a video of the view from your window, but that’s not required. You might enjoy baking, games, painting, or any other number of things that don’t require you to go along on an emotional rollercoaster ride with the hero. Don’t think of it as being weak or permanently giving up the things you used to love. You’re just taking a break to take care of yourself. Those books and shows will be waiting for you when you’re ready to go back to them.

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Make a Difference

Ordinary People Making a Difference: Liz Fleming

Liz Fleming

When I started this series with Mark Walden’s story, I called it “average people making a difference.” I have no idea why I chose to use “average” instead of “ordinary.” Maybe I was thinking of the phrase “average Joe”? At any rate, when I wrote about Curtis Johnson, he shared the post on Facebook. One of his friends (rightly) commented, “But you’re not average.” I agree. None of these people are average. So I’m changing the name of the series to “ordinary people making a difference.” The point is this: All of these people impress me, but they also demonstrate how anyone can make a difference. We don’t have to be wealthy or important. We just have to be willing to try.

When someone suggested Liz Fleming to me for a profile, I had a hard time embracing the idea. Liz is a licensed physician. That’s not ordinary! (One could also say that a computer programmer, like Curtis, is not ordinary, but perhaps because he is one of my good friends, he feels like a “regular” person to me.)

But as I talked with Liz, I saw how her story applies to all of us. You and I may not be doctors, but we can still use our lives to make a difference like Liz.

Liz’s story

Once upon a time, a young girl dreamed of being a doctor. In her dream, she went to college and pursued pre-med classes. She applied to medical schools her senior year, got in, and graduated with her M.D. four years later. Finally, she completed her residency, and achieved her goal.

That’s a straightforward path to becoming a doctor. It wasn’t Liz’s path.

Like the girl in my story, Liz dreamed of being a doctor, but when she got to college, she pursued other interests. It wasn’t until two years after she graduated that her old dream pulled her to pursue pre-med classes. When she was ready to apply to medical schools, her path veered from the expected again. Shortly before applying, she learned about the doctor of osteopathy degree. The holistic approach appealed to her, so she applied to schools where she could earn a D.O.

Liz helped fund her medical education with a scholarship that required her to work with an underserved population for a while. After her residency, she was a physician for an immigrant detention center. As she worked with immigrants, she learned from them. One thing she learned? Many of them hadn’t wanted to leave their home countries. They felt that they had no choice. Their stories inspired her to go to South America after her time at the detention center. She planned to use her skills to do community health and development work, hoping to improve the situation in countries that people were fleeing.

Unfortunately, during the time she was there the program she was working with didn’t seem to be making a difference. When she was given the opportunity to do similar work with Medical Ambassadors Haiti, she took it. Her initial plan was to stay only a little while, but the program impressed her. She lived in Haiti for three years, leaving only because she needed to renew her certification in the United States in order to remain a licensed physician.

After renewing her certification, Liz again chose the less traditional path: She pursued a fellowship as a hospitalist (more or less like your primary care provider, only instead of working in a clinic, she works exclusively with hospital patients). This relatively new medical specialty allows her to serve people doing the kind of work she loves best.

What we can learn from Liz

You don’t have to have important credentials to make a difference.

The public health work that Liz did in Haiti did not require an advanced degree. “You bring whatever expertise you have to the work,” she explained. “Few of the Haitian volunteers have college degrees. Over half haven’t completed high school, and they do excellent, life-changing work.” The most important quality in a volunteer is simply a desire to help others.

When you’re looking for an organization to work with, look for one that you think will be effective.

Whether you want to work with an organization full-time or simply want to volunteer, look for evidence of its effectiveness. If the organization is well-established, what has it accomplished? Does it seem to be flourishing, or is it dying? Take a look at its plans for the future. Based on your knowledge, do these plans seem to be well-grounded? If you don’t feel qualified to judge, do you know anyone who can help you determine the organization’s potential for future success?

Consider focusing your efforts on the root of a problem.

Liz moved overseas because she wanted to help immigrants by making the situation in their home countries better so that people might not feel forced to leave. The world needs people who are willing to help those who are already in difficult situations. But it’s also important to work toward preventing those situations in the first place.

Be mindful of people who might be lonely during holidays.

Liz is single, and her work often keeps her far from family during holiday celebrations. She always appreciates invitations to holiday gatherings, even though she sometimes says “no.” She told me that she prefers specific invitations, such as “We’re having dinner at 6 on Thanksgiving. Would you join us?” instead of a less direct approach like “Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?”

While this is not a good year to bring lots of people into our homes for a holiday dinner, we can think of creative ways to connect with people who are alone right now and plan to extend invitations to gatherings in the future.

Appreciate what you have.

She also noted that it can be hard for her to hear people who are generally happy with their lives jokingly complain about things that aren’t particularly important. As an example (mine, not hers), suppose that, outside of this pandemic, you always have Thanksgiving with Uncle Mel. You really don’t think he’s a bad guy but annually post “Time to hear Uncle Mel sing ‘Over the River and Through the Woods’ again [eye-roll emoji].” That can be hard to read for people who’d give a lot to have Thanksgiving with Uncle Mel, bad song and all.

Like me, you may be tempted to exalt certain professionals, such as physicians, telling yourself, “Of course that person can make a difference, but I’m not important like them.” But Liz would tell you that’s not true. Anyone who wants to make a difference can find a way to do so.

Categories
Something Wonderful

Guilty Pleasure Movie: Funny Face

Note: This review of Funny Face contains spoilers. I wanted to dig into the movie a little in order to discuss its good points and flaws. The only way I could do that was to give away the plot. If you don’t want to spoil the movie, please watch it first. Then come back and let me know if you agree with my assessment of it.

Also, I completed this post prior to Election Day. No matter how my readers feel about the election on the day this goes live, I’m certain there will be plenty of bad news that we need to escape from. It’s 2020, after all.

The first time I watched the movie Funny Face, I fell in love with the look of it — the costumes, the sets, the imagery. It turns out that part of its look comes from contributions by photographer Richard Avedon. His photos are most notably featured in the opening title sequence, but they also appear in the brilliant number “Think Pink” and in a fashion shoot segment later in the film.

“Think Pink” – featuring Kay Thompson

On the surface, Funny Face is all about fashion and romance. Kay Thompson (yes, the author of Eloise) plays fashion magazine editor Diana Vreeland Maggie Prescott, who is looking for a different sort of model to represent Quality magazine. Fred Astaire is fashion photographer Richard Avedon Dick Avery, who finds the next “Quality woman”: Jo Stockton (Audrey Hepburn).

Avery faces two obstacles: (1) Prescott thinks Stockton has a “funny” face (Stockton thinks so, too). (2) Stockton, who is studying a form of philosophy called “empathicalism,” has no interest in modeling.

But Avery prevails — in part because the modeling shoot will be in Paris, where Stockton can meet Professor Flostre, father of empathicalism. And on the shoot, romance blossoms between Stockton and Avery. The question is: Will it last? In a fit of jealousy, Avery, who had sold Prescott on Stockton’s “character, spirit, and intelligence,” tells Stockton that Flostre is “about as interested in your intellect as I am.” Ouch.

The fashion is delicious, but the romance bothers a lot of people for good reason. The 30-year age gap between Astaire and Hepburn is off-putting (never mind that plenty of prominent men these days still marry women who are young enough to be their daughters). More important is that low blow Avery delivers during his argument with Stockton. At the time she tells him, “We’re very fortunate to have found out these things now.” Their differences are glossed over by the end of the film, which is too bad.

So while the movie is beautiful to look at, with such a problematic romance, why am I recommending it? Well, there’s another element that I love about this film: it’s almost feminist in its depiction of women. Stockton and Prescott are both strong female characters — intelligent and ambitious. Prescott dictates fashion but is never a slave to it. After she has declared pink to be the “it” color, someone asks her when she will start wearing pink. She replies that she wouldn’t be caught dead in it. As for Stockton, she’s a thinker who stands up for herself.

And though Funny Face is definitely a comedy, it also touches on a very real problem for women: sexual harassment. When Avery insulted Stockton with his assessment of Flostre’s interest in her, he was right. She wants to talk philosophy, but Flostre replies, “We’ll talk. Later. … I need you now.” She has to defend herself in order to get away.

Funny Face has its flaws, but it also gives us strong women dealing with issues that too many women still have to deal with more than 60 years later. More importantly (in my mind), it’s a fun, gorgeous escape — perfect for the days when you can’t take one more piece of bad news.

Categories
Make a Difference

Let’s take “blessed are the peacemakers” seriously.

Note: This is not a Christian blog, but it is a blog written by a Christian. Occasionally, such as in this post, my faith comes up, because it is central to who I am. Because peacemaking is important to many people of different faiths or no faith, I hope that, no matter what you believe, you will find this post helps you in your quest to make a difference.

I’ll be honest. Some things I want to write about in relation to making a difference are really difficult to address these days, because things seem to be happening so fast that anything I write could be outdated the day after I write it. In fact, I had already started this post when 13 men were arrested for plotting to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. Since then, President Trump has held a rally in Michigan, where instead of discouraging people who were chanting, “Lock her [Whitmer] up,” he simply responded, “Lock ’em all up.”

Nevertheless, with the election looming, I want to address the tension so many of us are feeling.

It feels like the country is tearing apart. Some people are preparing for violence; after the first presidential debate, one neo-Nazi wrote, “He is telling people to stand by. As in: Get ready for war.” And there have already been acts of violence on both the right and the left: This summer there were multiple incidents of people ramming their vehicles into Black Lives Matter protesters, and a left-wing protester shot and killed a Trump supporter.

Let’s embrace the radical act of peacemaking.

I understand why most of us, myself included, have strong feelings right now. Fortunately, I have forces that pull against my anger and dismay at “those people.” One of those forces is exerted by Preemptive Love Coalition, which I wrote about in an earlier blog post. In a Facebook post on September 29, they wrote:

We can hunker down in our echo chambers, listening only to those who think like us, demonizing everyone else. We can stay silent, refuse to engage, declare that politics really isn’t our thing—a luxury or privilege afforded only to those whose lives have never hung in the balance.

We’ve seen the violence that lies at the end of that road. In Iraq, Syria, Venezuela… and yes, it can happen where any of us live, too.

But we’ve also seen what happens when we choose a different road. When we seek out those who view the world differently than we do. When we relentlessly humanize everyone.

Let’s make that our story. When the world is scary as hell, #loveanyway.

– Preemptive Love Coalition

Another force is my faith in a God who calls us to peacemaking. The kingdom of God described in both Isaiah 2 and Micah 4 is one in which swords are beaten into plowshares and spears into pruning hooks. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” In Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he lists peace as one of the fruits of God’s Spirit.

I also don’t think that violence will accomplish anything beyond splitting the United States further apart. It’s merely throwing gasoline on the fire that’s already burning. If we’re going to move forward, we have to end the divisiveness and actually start talking with each other.

We must commit to peace.

I think most Americans have no desire to commit acts of violence, and I doubt many of us have the power to change the minds of those who wish to start a civil war. But if we commit to peacemaking, we may be able to keep extremists from recruiting others.

What can we do?

We can stop “othering” people.

I understand the temptation to lump people into groups and to allow certain groups to anger us. When I pass houses with political signs I strongly disagree with, I do not think kindly about the people who put up the signs. But I need to separate the people from their ideology. I can and do strongly disagree with them, but I should remember that they are real people with real problems. They experience joy and sorrow. They have dreams. And they love and are loved. Just like me.

We can step outside our bubbles.

If we only hang around folks like us, we’re only going to hear one point of view. Exposing ourselves to a diversity of people and opinions isn’t easy. We need to leave our comfort zones and be willing to allow others to challenge our beliefs. But we will be better people for it.

We can start listening and talking.

How often do we avoid the forbidden topics of politics and religion, because discussing them just isn’t polite? Indeed, fighting about these things isn’t good for relationships between friends and family, but if we can’t talk about them, we’ll never be able to bridge our differences. It’s difficult and will take a lot of practice, but if we listen to try to understand the other person, and if we talk not to argue someone around to our point of view but to explain where we’re coming from, we may be able to ease the divisions in our country.

We can be willing to cut others a lot of slack if they’re willing to talk with us.

If you and I are very different in terms of background and/or point of view, we are probably going to step on each other’s toes if we start talking about the hard things with each other. The best way to move forward is to forgive each other, again and again, when we do that. It doesn’t mean we can’t speak up and say, “Hey, what you said just now was hurtful. Do you mind if I explain why?” But we shouldn’t immediately assume that the other person deliberately said something offensive. I know from experience that I’ve unintentionally made hurtful comments, and I’m grateful for the times I’ve been gently corrected, instead of being automatically cut off.

We can take a stand against inequity.

Injustice, inequality, and threats to democracy breed violence. As the saying goes, “If you want peace, work for justice.” This isn’t a threat. It’s a truth. Some of the violence after George Floyd’s death came from opportunists who wanted to incite a civil war or hurt Black Lives Matter protestors, but some of it came from people who are fed up with empty promises. If I call for peace but refuse to work for justice, my desire for peace is empty and self-serving.

We can engage in civil disobedience to fight authoritarianism.

As this piece from The Guardian notes, authoritarianism reduces politics “to a question of friends and enemies, us and them.” The authors go on to claim that unarmed civil resistance is “twice as effective as armed struggle.” Rather than embracing the idea of violent action, we need to continue to engage in actions ranging from protests to boycotts. If we participate in organized, peaceful resistance against those who would wield power through intimidation, we will eventually win.