Month: July 2017

Full disclosure: I know the founder of HeroSearch.org and have done some writing for her. She did not ask me to write this post.

Sometimes you know what to do with your stuff. There are things you recycle or throw away, because no one would want them. The Writer’s Market book from 2003. The stained, holey t-shirt. There are also things that you have a home for. You’ll give your friend that necklace you no longer want, but she loves. You’ll take your toddler’s outgrown coat to the coat drive your church runs every fall.

Sometimes you look at something and have no idea what to do with it. Or, you know that Organization X might take it, but you wonder if you can find an organization with a mission you feel passionate about that would want it.

Enter HeroSearch.org.

HeroSearch.org allows you to search for organizations near you that need specific items you might have. You must enter your ZIP code and the distance you are willing to travel. Then, if you wish, you can narrow your search by organization name, by the types of items you have to donate, by whether or not the organization will pick up your donation, and by type of charity. For instance, when I searched for a place within 20 miles that would accept musical items, I found Pedal and Roll for Parkinson’s, which needs percussion instruments. When I searched for animal organizations within 10 miles that could use any donation, I found a wildlife rehabilitation center that could use shoeboxes (I’ll have to remember not to recycle mine anymore) and bath towels. I also found an animal shelter that needs newspapers, fans, fleece, pet carriers, and zip ties.

HeroSearch.org started in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, so most of the participating organizations are within that region. But if you are anywhere in the United States, try the search. I searched for charities within 100 of miles of 22301, and one in Wheaton, Maryland, popped up. Nominate a charity in your area, and perhaps you will help HeroSearch.org grow.

I wish Drop the Ball was around when I was new mother.

When my husband and I were newlyweds, he worked an average of 60 hours a week. I worked 40 hours per week, we lived in an apartment, and we had no children. It made sense for me to be responsible for most of the domestic chores. Over time, our work schedules equalized. We also purchased a home and had a child. My husband took on more domestic responsibilities than he had in the past, but I never felt like we did a good job of renegotiating housework. I coped by neglecting a lot of chores and by limiting my career ambitions.

Dufu says many women take the “mommy track” for just this reason. She wrote Drop the Ball to encourage women and men to rethink household chores so that mothers don’t have to give up on their careers.

If you are imagining a book that teaches women to order men around, you’ve got the wrong idea. Dufu does encourages women to speak up about how household responsibilities are shared, but the plan she outlines encourages men and women to work together as a team. She also makes it clear that women need to trust men’s competence at home, noting that too often we get in our own way when it comes to sharing chores.

Dufu’s book is both positive and practical. The first few chapters set the scene for her decision to drop the ball. Then she gets into the meat of her story: how she went about making changes. Dufu encourages couples to set a “compass” — a few questions that help them make decisions together — and to get clear about their values. She shares how she created a spreadsheet that reflects all household work. This work is then allocated among family members. One of the most important columns on the spreadsheet is for tasks that won’t get done until the next time the couple sits down to reallocate chores. This is one way women can practice dropping the ball. They also should step back and let family members take full responsibility for their own chores — a difficult but necessary task.

What should women do with the time they free up after letting go of some of their responsibilities at home? Dufu encourages them to prioritize exercise, sleep, networking, and increasing one’s professional presence.

Although this book is written for a specific audience — married heterosexual mothers who work outside the home — there are lessons in it that can work for many different people. Single mothers may be able to apply some of Dufu’s “go to’s” and pull together support teams. Women with grown children, or no children, who still feel that an imbalance of household responsibilities makes reaching their full career potential difficult will be able to use many of Dufu’s tricks for dropping the ball. No matter who you are, if you want to renegotiate chores in your household, this book is worth reading.

Our child is no longer small, but I plan to use much of what I’ve learned from this book. More importantly, I’m sharing it with others. Recently some people asked me to mentor their teen daughter. As part of our mentoring relationship, I gave her a copy of the book. I’ve placed a copy in our Little Free Library. I have yet another copy on hand to give away when I find someone else who could use it.

If we want to make a difference, we need to remove barriers that hold women back from making their best contributions to the world. One way we can do that is by sharing this book. If women start using their time in a way that aligns with their values, they’ll be happier and more effective. And when women and men start working as a team, everyone wins.